


The Action Man Theory

by mad_martha



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-03
Updated: 2011-09-03
Packaged: 2017-10-23 09:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/248983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad_martha/pseuds/mad_martha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair Sandburg explains his Action Man theory to Jim Ellison and colleagues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Action Man Theory

**Author's Note:**

> When I originally wrote and posted this, I wasn't aware that Action Man was known as G I Joe in the US. Sorry about that ...

"So what do you think?" Rafe's voice was saying. "You reckon Ellison was an Action Man kind of kid?"

"Action Man _kid?_ " Brown snorted. "Hell, he _is_ Action Man!"

"I heard that," Ellison said dryly, pushing the door open. He took his seat at the table, ignoring Blair's snicker. "Where's Simon?"

"Shouting at someone on the phone," his partner replied. "Say, H, that could be taken as an insult - "

"I _did_ take it as an insult," Ellison interjected acidly, but Blair was already on a roll.

"Don't you know that Action Man is gay?" he said.

There was a stunned pause.

"How'd you work that out?" Brown demanded, eyeing Sandburg's partner nervously.

"Are you kidding me? He totally has something going with Barbie's Ken."

Megan stifled a laugh at the bemused faces around the table. "I always knew there was something weird about him."

"Well, yeah. Look at those outfits! Ken's, I mean, not Action Man - although, come to think of it, can you say "repressed"?"

Jim picked up his case file, determined not to get drawn into another of his partner's wild flights of imagination. Then a thought occurred to him and he put the file down again before he could stop himself.

"Hang on a minute - how the hell would Action Man and Ken meet in the first place?" he demanded. Then he could have smacked himself for saying it.

Blair beamed. "Good question - "

"And one I don't need to hear the answer to," Jim said hastily. He grabbed the file again in desperation.

"Give me a break. I can tell you've been thinking about this, or you wouldn't have asked." Jim opened his mouth to protest, but Blair was off and running. "So it goes like this: Barbie and Ken are taking a skiing break in the Swiss Alps."

"Why?" Rafe wanted to know.

"Why else would there be a Skiing Barbie?"

"Good point."

"And at the same time, Action Man's there on a covert mission - "

"In the Swiss Alps?" Jim demanded, unable to take this.

Blair spread his hands. "Barbie and Action Man are both pre-Glasnost icons, man."

"But in the _Swiss Alps?_ "

"What do you want?" Blair demanded indignantly. "I don't see Barbie skiing in Siberia, do you? Work with me here, Jim!"

"She could ski in Aspen," Brown offered, grinning.

"Fine! Action Man's on a covert mission in Aspen. Why, I can't imagine, but he is. Okay?" Blair glared. "Sheesh!"

"Could be on training manoeuvres," Jim offered in a conciliatory tone.

"Thank you! Training manoeuvres." Blair paused and eyed his partner mischievously. "You _have_ been thinking about this, haven't you?"

Jim sighed. "Just get on with it, Chief."

"Okay! Barbie and Ken are in Aspen, skiing. So is Action Man … manoeuvring. So, one day Ken hits the piste on his own - "

"Why?" Rafe asked again.

"Barbie's checking out the resort's spa facilities," Megan said promptly.

"Exactly! While she's having her legs waxed, Ken hits the slopes alone. So there he is - master of the piste." Blair mimed skiing. Ellison refrained from commenting. "Meanwhile, Action Man's on the ridge above, scanning the slopes with his powerful, army-issue binoculars. He catches sight of this manly figure in lilac-trimmed ski-gear and - "

"I need a coffee," Jim interrupted, exasperated, "or maybe an antacid. _Lilac-trimmed ski gear?_ "

"Have you seen some of Barbie's accessories?" Blair asked him.

"I don't hang out at Toys R Us in my spare time, Chief!"

"Well, trust me. Ken is just another of Barbie's accessories. And that girl likes pink."

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that Action Man would go for a guy wearing pink?"

"Lilac, Jim, lilac. It's a little closer to blue on the colour chart." Blair watched in delight as his partner's face went from bafflement to outrage.

Jim got a grip on himself with an effort, and sat back in his chair. "Okay, that's one way of looking at it," he said as levelly as he could manage. "How about this - while Ken is out falling on his butt on the nursery slopes, Action Man is taking advantage of his absence and seducing Barbie back at the ski lodge."

"That's more like it!" Brown said, grinning.

"You could look at it like that," Blair conceded, "except for one small detail you've overlooked."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"While Ken's out on the slopes, Barbie's getting it on with Sindy in the sauna."


End file.
